


Animal

by Buttros



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Intimacy, Lack of Communication, Love, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Smut, also not on the page, and not of the main characters, death?, kinda ooc?, kinda sad, not on the page
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttros/pseuds/Buttros
Summary: How do love and intimacy correlate? Andrew has had to ponder this question throughout his relationship with Neil, which has seemed to have reached its breaking point.Can these broken boys work it out?Are they even broken after all?
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 17
Kudos: 99





	Animal

**Author's Note:**

> _*_ 
> 
> Hey, this is my first time writting for this fandom. No idea if I'm doing it right, but I tried
> 
> _*_

_Now_

Neil was sleeping in his own bed this morning. Like every other morning for the past two months. When he opened his eyes and found Andrew watching him, he smiled his sleepy smile. His happy smile. 

Andrew forced his eyes back on his dissertation. ‘‘You’re going to be late, junkie’’ 

Neil let out a breathy laughter, rising from his bed bare chested, and came closer to Andrew. ‘‘Yes or no?’’ he said, leaning down. 

Andrew felt his throat closing, ‘‘No’’ 

Neil straightened his back and hummed, ‘‘Do you want some pancakes?’’ He murmured, lightly. Like he hadn’t just been rejected. No. Like didn’t mind being rejected. 

It was only when Neil left the room the Andrew allowed himself an inhale, ‘‘Yes, please’’ 

Neil hummed again, this time turning it into a soft song, barely audible. He moved around their small apartment – watering the plants? Tidying up? He had graduated the year before, was now playing professionally for the San Diego team, and had bought the apartment with his first pay-check. _Our apartment,_ Neil would correct, with a smile. 

_It’s your money,_ Andrew would say, every time they talked about it. To which Neil would just roll his eyes. 

Andrew, meanwhile, was majoring in psychology at the University of San Diego. Going on his last semester. Soon to become... something. Anything. Nothing. He would become nothing. He didn’t think he would be living in San Diego for much longer. 

They were a couple, him and Neil, except when they weren’t, which was all the time. They didn’t hold hands, because Andrew wouldn’t allow it. They barely kissed anymore, because Andrew felt his lungs collapsing every time they tried. They’d never fucked (not really, not properly), in the four years that they had been ‘together’. That they had been pretending. 

At first it made sense, their arrangement. They were broken boys with fucked-up pasts. Abused and beaten. Raped and humiliated. 

But Neil didn’t wear his abuse like a second skin. He emerged from it, shedding it away, choosing to sport smiles and kindness instead. He made an effort to make friends with his new team, create strong bonds. He makes an effort to be involved with the town’s issues, for fuck’s sake. He does charity, he fosters pets. He takes Andrew out for dinner twice a week, talks and laughs at the zombie that he calls a boyfriend. He looks at Andrew like he is a miracle. 

He isn’t. Andrew is still broken. 

He walked out the room to see Neil rocking their new foster cat in his arms, smiling down at it and placing a tiny kiss on its nose. He placed it on the floor when he noticed Andrew at the threshold. 

‘‘Go say hi to daddy’’ He said, and grabbed the spatula to flip the pancakes. 

As it pranced closer, Andrew eyed the little devil distrustfully. He bent down to rub beneath one of its ears, hoping to convey how much he hated it. 

The cat purred, missing the point. 

‘‘Do you want to go out with the guys tonight?’’ Neil said, trying to keep his expression blank, but Andrew saw the hope there. 

Andrew stomach fluttered, but he said, ‘‘No’’ 

‘‘Come on, it will be fun. I mean... they’re psychopaths, don’t get me wrong, but they’re funny to be around’’ Neil laughed at himself, ‘‘They already know you from how much I talk about us’’ 

Andrew sat on one of the stools at the counter, ‘‘What do you say?’’ 

Neil’s smile faltered. Perhaps because he heard contempt beneath Andrew’s tone, ‘‘Nothing personal’’ he reassured, ‘‘Just how awesome you are, in general’’ 

Andrew rolled his eyes. Neil looked down at Andrew’s hands, clasped together in the middle of the counter, and raised his own to touch them. Andrew pulled them back before he had the chance. 

‘‘I’m going to take a shower’’ and practically ran to the bathroom. 

He wondered how much more of this Neil would be able to take. 

_*_ 

_Before_

Neil Josten was a fucking menace. 

He was a liar, first and foremost, and Andrew hated those. He painted his hair black and made his eyes brown and walked around like he didn’t want to be seen. He was made wiser because of circumstances that nobody was privy to. Puffing his chest as an afterthought, as if it his shoulders didn’t carry the weight of the world. Unaware of his features and his limbs and what they did to Andrew. 

With the meds, Andrew couldn’t focus on anything. Now, it seemed, he couldn’t focus on anything but Neil Josten. 

How he wore gym pants and loose shirts two sizes too big. A fact which was rendered useless when he started to sweat and they clung to him, leaving nothing to the imagination. 

Andrew wanted to kill him. He also wanted to fuck him. He wanted to be fucked by him, which was the most disconcerting fact of all. 

He imagined Neil would be good at it – a thought that was probably wishful thinking, but Andrew was in a mood to be generous. He would kiss Andrew and make it pleasurable. He would touch Andrew and it wouldn’t be violent. He would worship him, not use him. Neil would belong inside of him, make himself hostage within Andrew's veins, between his lungs. 

He looked at the brat now, running around the field like a maniac. He hadn’t paid attention to whom they were playing against, but he thinks it’s an important game. He could almost hear Kevin’s voice saying, _all games are important._ Andrew laughed; a sound more maniac then the little lying Pinocchio prancing about. Then he stopped, because his stomach hurt from missing his dose. 

Then the pain went away, because Neil had just scored, and he looked beautiful running towards their teammates and hugging Dan. 

Andrew hated him. 

_*_ 

_Now_

Andrew came back from class and was welcomed by a dark and empty apartment. He sighed, relieved, then immediately felt guilty for it. He should be sad that his... his whatever wasn’t home. Or, at least, want to be with him. 

He was mostly just glad that he wouldn’t have to pretend for a few hours. 

Neil was out with his numerous friends. A plethora of men and women lucky enough to be worthy of Neil Josten’s affection. Andrew would have hoped that Neil would cheat on him with one of them, but the thought made him want to burn half the city of San Diego down. It would be easier, though, if he let go. If he just gave up on the both of them. The ‘us’ that they created. Because Andrew sure as hell wasn’t brave enough to do so. 

He ignored the purrs coming from the couch and hoped in the shower. 

It was the end. He felt it. And he was unable to tell Neil about it because that would make it real. But not talking about it had created a rift between them that was leading to an inevitable break-up. It was a fucked-up cycle, so small and vicious that Andrew was surprised they weren’t tripping over themselves. 

He’d stopped talking to Bee about it because she kept suggesting they ‘worked it out though conversation’, ignoring the previous problem altogether. 

It was an unsolvable conundrum. 

Fact number one (1): Neil Josten deserved to be loved, touched and pleasured. 

Fact number two (2): Andrew Minyard was incapable of providing any of those things. 

Conclusion: they couldn’t be together. 

Talking would exacerbate it. It would put Neil in a position where he had to perpetually compromise, and Andrew in a position where he had to live with it. It was becoming gradually more difficult to stand himself with the understanding that he was a burden. He would rather think about Drake everyday then think about how he is unworthy of Neil. But alas, Drake is a ghost from the past, and Neil is his knight in shining armour. 

Speak of the devil. There was a soft knock on the bathroom’s door. 

‘‘I’m home’’, came Neil’s muffled voice. 

Andrew inhaled deeply, checking to see if the door was locked. It wasn’t. 

‘‘Can I come in?’’ 

The ‘no’ got stuck in Andrew’s throat. Neil sounded so hopeful and affectioned that Andrew found himself saying, ‘‘Yes’’ 

Neil’s smile, when he opened the door, was bright enough to light the entire state of California. He started to remove his clothes, ‘‘Is this okay?’’ 

Andrew stopped breathing, ignoring the ache in his chest, and nodded. It would never fail to take his breath away, seeing Neil naked. Tone muscles and hard edges, mended together by soft patches and delicate skin. His battle scars were ethereal. Equal parts heart-breaking and heart-mending, their intrinsic violence being transformed into resilience by their owner. 

Neil’s smile turned shy, perhaps because of Andrew’s ogling. He looked at Andrew’s lips, ‘‘Yes or no?’’ 

Andrew inhaled deeply, and shook his head. 

Neil’s face softened, and he murmured a quiet, ‘‘Okay’’ 

That little word broke Andrew’s heart. He raised his chin, ‘‘My neck’’ 

Neil smiled, mischievous, and bent down to nibble at the offered skin, licking away water drops, tugging on Andrew’s ear with his lips. Andrew couldn’t help but shiver, trying to lose himself in the act, but the feeling of their erections brushing together made him take a step back, briskly. 

Neil took one step back too, eyes wide and worried. He knew not to say he was sorry. He also knew to give Andrew some time. He was so damn considerate that it made Andrew want to shoot himself. 

The feeling in Andrew’s chest threatened to burst, closing all air passage and creating a pressure behind his eyes. 

He pulled his towel from the racket and left the bathroom without closing the door behind him. 

_*_ 

_Before_

The first thing Andrew heard, after painful minutes of numbing silence, was a crack. 

It was an interesting noise. It was like metal, like a gunshot, but it was also wet and disgusting. Andrew laughed, because it was a funny sound, but also because the pain and humiliation he was feeling were familiar in the worst way. He felt a soft cloth covering his bare legs and bottom, and that was even more funny. He looked over his shoulder to see who his saviour was. 

Neil Josten had his back to him, holding an exy bat that was part silver and part red. The red part was dripping. Andrew laughed some more. Neil had his back to Andrew, and was looking at the ground intently, unmoving. Unnaturally. Or perhaps too naturally. Instinctively. Like an animal out of its cage, ready to strike. 

People gathered at the open threshold, making these annoying sounds. Andrew didn’t care about them, he wanted to hear Neil. He even stopped laughing. 

Neil remained stoic. Still. Not even breathing. And then someone must have said the wrong thing, because Neil’s hands gripped the bat tighter, and he charged towards the door, swinging his weapon in a vertical trajectory, missing his target but making a hole on the floor. He didn’t leave the room in pursuit, though. He remained at the threshold, breathing calmly. 

Andrew didn’t tell him limps to sit up on the bed, but they did anyway. ‘‘Neil’’ he said, and he didn’t recognize his voice. Not that he cared. Neil turned back, but was giving him only part of his attention. A predator who recognized his leader but was still ready to kill without a moment’s notice. 

The blood had reached his hands, now, and Andrew felt something tugging at his chest. It was the opposite of happiness, but just as unfamiliar to him. It was heart-break, he realized. His heart was breaking for the boy in front of him. 

‘‘Come here’’ he whispered, and Neil went. He stood at the foot of the bed, just looking at Andrew, and his blank expression was turning more anguished and mournful by the second. Andrew tuned out the commotion at the door and focused solely on the pair of glistening blue eyes staring back at him. 

Neil opened his mouth to say something, but no words came. Not even an exhale. He was stuck in time, unable to move. Andrew couldn’t blame him. He was feeling the same. Darkness was looming around them, but if they remained still, they wouldn’t have to acknowledge it. Seconds became minutes, and they could have become hours. 

He decided to count the freckles on Neil’s face, because that remained the same, even if their owner had just been broken permanently. There were twenty, Andrew surmised. Twenty brownish freckles just resting on Neil’s pale cheeks, over his nose. 

Someone was idiotic enough to come closer to the bed, and Neil’s hands gripped the bat tighter, his expression going blank again. 

‘‘No’’ Andrew raised his hand to wrap it around Neil’s wrist. Neil subsided, but only a little. 

Andrew saw, from the corner of his eyes, Aaron kneeling beside the bed, ‘‘The police will be here any second’’ 

Andrew nodded, once, but didn’t take his eyes off Neil, who didn’t seem to compute the words at all. He was still on guard, waiting for Andrew to tell him to fetch. 

Andrew’s eyes flickered down to Drake’s lying form. His face was completely destroyed, caved in on its side, red and grotesque. It took only one swing for Neil to end him, though. Which was better when he pleaded self-defence. 

‘‘You’ll need to go with them. With the police’’ Andrew said, his eyes back on Neil, ‘‘Just say the truth, okay?’’ 

Neil didn’t nod, but Andrew saw understanding in his eyes. 

‘‘I’ll have to go to the hospital’’ 

Neil inhaled, deeply, his jaw clenching in a way that must have been painful. Andrew looked at the door, and saw that Wymack was there, as well, looking like he wanted to vomit. ‘‘Coach will go with me. I’ll be safe with him’’ 

There was anguish in Neil’s eyes now. His chin trembled before he nodded, almost imperceptibly. 

Blue and red lights flooded the room. Andrew’s hand around Neil’s wrist tightened. ‘‘You give them the bat, alright? Don’t be difficult. You did nothing wrong’’ 

Neil attempted a nod again. 

When the police came, he closed his eyes before they led him out of the door, as if he couldn’t stand to see himself leaving Andrew behind. 

Andrew found himself not wanting Neil to leave him, either. 

_*_ 

_Before_

Andrew had never worshiped anything in his life. No one had ever taught him to believe in God, and his past experiences didn’t exactly inspire faith. 

At this particular moment, Andrew was cleaning the cuts in Neil’s hands like their owner was the messiah himself. 

‘‘Mother fucker’’ Neil gasped, at no one in particular, and then laughed. Their attention was focused solely on his hands, but Andrew glanced at his eyes to make sure he was alright. Neil bit his lip to stiffen a smile, then looked at Andrew’s lips, ‘‘Yes or no?’’ 

Andrew rolled his eyes, ‘‘I’m kind of busy’’, but he was already leaning forward. He looked at Neil’s lips as well. 

Neil hummed, bringing his hands up to scratch lightly at Andrew’s jaw. Their lips were so close they were sharing a breath. In and out. In and out. 

‘‘Careful with those. I don’t want to have to baby sit you forever’’ Andrew murmured, his mouth barely moving. He turned his head to taunt Neil further. He knew he wouldn’t kiss him unless Andrew said, explicitly, _yes._

‘‘Sure, you do’’ Neil whispered, smiling. Flirting. This boy knew how to flirt now. He was actively trying to kill Andrew. 

Andrew bumped his nose against Neil’s, ‘‘145%’’ 

Neil laughed, bumping him right back. ‘‘Let me kiss you’’ 

Andrew sneaked a kiss to Neil’s cheekbone. Then the other one. Then his forehead. Then the tip of his nose. 

‘‘Let me kiss you’’ 

Andrew scoffed, kissing his cheeks instead, running his nose along Neil’s jaw, making him shiver. Making them both shiver. 

‘‘Let me ki-’’ 

Andrew pressed his lips to Neil’s. ‘‘Shut up’’, he whispered, and did it again. And again. And again... 

‘‘Andrew’’ Neil whispered, running his tongue along the edges, before slipping it inside his mouth. He kept his hands on his sides, trusting Andrew to pull him closer, to keep him in place – and to push him away if need be. 

Andrew moaned, because he couldn’t not. Because Neil was delicious and warm and perfect. He pushed him back on the bed, climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. ‘‘Yes or no?’’ 

‘‘Yes’’ Neil moaned, without hesitation. 

Andrew eyed Neil’s sweats – he was wearing those damn sweats that were too big for him, that clearly displayed the outline of his dick – and ran his hands up and down his thighs. It was almost poetic that he was wearing them now. A coincidence. No, a miracle. 

It was a miracle when Andrew bent down and mouthed along its outline. It was a miracle when Neil groaned, his hips going tense like he was trying not to hump Andrew’s face. Andrew laughed, because he was so aroused, he was almost drunk with it. Neil smirked at him. 

‘‘I want to do that to you’’ he said, earnestly. 

Andrew gasped, more surprised that he didn’t hate the idea more than anything else. Surprised that he wanted it too. 

‘‘Heal first’’ He whispered, and it was a compromise. A promise. 

Neil smiled, understanding. He closed his eyes when Andrew pulled his sweats down and got on with it. 

_*_ 

_Now_

‘‘Andrew?’’ Neil whispered. Neil was sleeping on his bed. How ridiculous was it, that in the room that they shared, as a couple, Neil had to have a twin bed to sleep on when Andrew threw one of his tantrums. 

Andrew didn’t respond. He pretended to be asleep, which wouldn’t be unreasonable. It was the middle of the night – probably 2 or 3 am. 

But Neil knew he was pretending. He knew Andrew like the back of his hand. ‘‘The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable, okay?’’ he sighed, and his voice went quieter, though not without conviction, ‘‘You have the right to take your time’’ 

Andrew felt a rage going up his throat, like acid. He turned on his back and glared at the celling, even if the room was pitch black. 

‘‘What if it takes forever?’’ Andrew said. His voice was a little raspy, so he cleared his throat, ‘‘How long will you wait for me, Oh perfect Neil?’’ 

Neil was silent for a while, ‘‘If it takes forever then it takes forever’’, he said it like he was shrugging. Like it was a no-brainer. 

Andrew scoffed, ‘‘You think that I’ll become the perfect boyfriend if you just wish hard enough’’ 

‘‘You already are’’ 

Andrew ignored him, ‘‘You think that I’ll heal and mend and forget all the bullshit that I was put through because you will it so’’ 

‘‘That’s not-’’ 

Andrew got up from their bed, turning on the lights angrily, and turned to stand in front of Neil’s bed, ‘‘You want to go through the motions... pretending we are normal, pretending the we care for each other, pretending that we don’t water, every day, that little seed of contempt’’ Andrew scoffed, and it was getting harder to see from how blurry his eyes were, ‘‘I never took you for a coward, Neil, but I guess we learn something new about our partners all the time’’ 

Neil had sat up on his bed at this point, and was looking at the floor with a frown. His mouth opened and closed several times. When his eyes finally met Andrew’s, they were glistening. 

‘‘Are you pretending to like me, Andrew?’’ 

Andrew stopped breathing. He suddenly felt nauseous with it, as if he’d been eating nothing but guilt for the past few weeks, corroding him from the inside out. The most important question that he’d even been asked, and Andrew was silent. He knew what he had to do. He had to lie to set Neil free. But he couldn’t, not when telling the truth had been the foundation of their friendship from the start. But he couldn’t tell the truth, because that would mean holding Neil hostage. 

So, he said nothing. 

A few tears poured from Neil’s eyes, ‘‘Do you feel contempt... for me? Is that why you can’t stand to be around me anymore?’’ 

Again, Andrew said nothing. Tears were falling from his eyes, too. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually cried. 

Neil got up from his bed, walking forward a bit, looking around their room, maybe for inspiration. Maybe for a _deus machina_. He pushed his hands through his hair, pulling at the edges, his back to Andrew, before turning around and looking at the floor between them. They were mirroring each other, arms clasped around their torsos as if that would protect them. As if that would make it stop hurting. 

‘‘I-’’ Neil sighed; a sound so broken it could have been a sob. He placed each hand on opposite shoulders, running them up and down his arm, and knelt on the floor, sitting on his feet, ‘‘I love you’’ 

Andrew gasped. In the four years that they’d been together, neither of them had said it. Andrew used to think that it was because, since their experiences were so particular, it would feel empty. Disingenuous. It didn’t fit who they were, or the type of arrangement that they had. But Neil said it like- 

‘‘I don’t-’’ Neil inhaled, looking at their bed before settling his eyes back on Andrew. He shrugged, ‘‘I don’t know how not to love you’’ 

Andrew tried to tell his lungs to work, but they wouldn’t listen to him. 

‘‘I understand if you don’t want to be with me, anymore’’ His voice broke, and something in Andrew broke with it, ‘‘You can’t force someone to love you back. I get that. But I never... never pretended. My love for you was never a lie’’ 

Neil cleaned his face, putting his hands on the floor in front of himself. His position was beseeching. It was one of utter capitulation. Andrew wanted to tell him to get up, but he didn’t. He couldn’t 

‘‘I don’t stop loving you when you tell me ‘no’’’ he looked at Andrew again. ‘‘I love you even more’’ 

‘‘Shut up’’ Andrew whispered, because that’s as loud as his voice could get without air. He fell knees first to the floor, moving forward until Neil was forced to sit on his feet again, ‘‘Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, _shut up-_ ’’ 

He crushed his mouth against Neil’s, because he couldn’t trust the idiot to stop talking otherwise. Neil responded immediately, almost gratefully, as if taking a first sip of water after morbid thirst. 

‘‘Shut up’’ he continued, between kisses, ‘shut up, shut up-’’ 

And their faces were disgustingly wet - their mouths too open, teeth clacking constantly – and Neil still moaned like it was the best kiss of his life. Andrew moaned back, because he agreed. 

Neil kept his hands on his sides, so Andrew stopped to say, ‘‘Hug me’’ before continuing to kiss him. Neil obeyed without a thought. One of his hands went to Andrew’s hair, while the other remained around his back. 

Neil separated their mouths and inhaled deeply, bending to bite at Andrew’s neck. ‘‘I love you’’ he whispered. 

Andrew groaned, equal parts aroused and ashamed. Heart-broken that he would, even for a second, make Neil think that he wasn’t loved. ‘‘Shut _up_ ’’. He disentangled them to stand on wobbly legs, tugging on Neil’s shoulders to push him on the bed. 

He looked at Neil for a moment, trying to gauge if his own body would cooperate with his libido, at least for once. Neil lied there. Patiently, Lovingly. 

Andrew gasped, a light bulb going off in his head. 

‘‘Do exactly as I tell you. Nothing more, nothing less’’ 

Neil sat up, understanding lighting his eyes, and nodded. 

Andrew was lost in thought for a while, trying to figure out what he wanted. Everything, his mind supplied. Which, finally, he thought he could work with. 

__

‘‘Take off your clothes’’ 

__

Neil’s eyes darkened, and he obeyed, almost forcing himself to slow down. Andrew mirrored him. Neil drank up his nude form appreciatively. Hungrily. Andrew felt a shiver going down his spine. 

__

‘‘I-’’ Andrew inhaled, ‘‘I’m going to lie down. I want... I want you to blow me’’ 

__

Neil had raised from the bed at the former part of Andrew’s sentence, but he gasped at the latter. He looked at Andrew with awe. 

__

Andrew pushed off the covers and moved to lie on his back. He looked at Neil, opening his legs slightly, and raising both arms to beckon him down. Neil moaned, a broken sound on his throat, looking distraught... almost in pain. If that wasn’t enough to convince Andrew that he was aroused, Neil’s erection left nothing to the imagination. 

__

He knelt on the bed, between Andrew’s legs, and bent down, never taking his eyes off Andrew’s, to place a soft close-mouthed kiss on the head. After Andrew gasped, he did it again, moving his hands to rest them beside Andrew’s hips. Unmoving and within Andrew’s line of sight. Andrew moaned at that. Or maybe he moaned because Neil started applying open-mouthed kisses all over his length. 

__

‘‘Neil’’ he whispered. Now Neil was kissing everywhere but Andrew’s dick, licking along his crotch, sucking his testicles, biting at the crease of his ass. ‘‘Neil’’ Andrew said, more forcefully. The only form of begging that he could manage. 

__

Neil understood, like he always did, and opened his mouth wider to do as he was told. It took only ten seconds for Andrew to realise that he wouldn’t last, which was only rendered worse when their eyes locked. He couldn’t be blamed for the sounds that he was making. Or the way that he tangled their hands together and hung on tight. 

__

‘‘Neil’’ he moaned, ‘‘Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil…'’ 

__

Neil moaned back, and he seemed to be delirious with it, like he’d never felt more aroused in his life. Andrew could relate. 

__

It was blinding, and obvious rollercoaster, and Andrew inhaled deeply, trying to delay the descend. ‘‘Neil’’ He called, and Neil understood the difference in his tone. He raised his chest, looked at Andrew expectedly. 

__

‘‘Not good?’’ He asked with a smirk. 

__

Andrew smiled, despite himself, ‘‘Too good’’ 

__

Neil’s face softened, but there was a bit of pride there too. 

__

‘‘I want-’’ Andrew blushed. ‘‘I want you to-’’ He inhaled deeply, ‘‘I want you to tug on us both, at the same time’’ 

__

Neil exhaled, eyes darkening. He looked between Andrew’s legs and licked his lips. Then his face turned concerned, ‘‘Are you sure? Won’t that be... too much at once?’’ 

__

Andrew’s heart tugged at his words and earnest expression. But he shook his head, ‘‘We are testing a theory’’ 

__

Neil smiled, ‘‘Oh yeah? What’s that?’’ 

__

‘‘That if I tell you exactly what to do, I’ll know what you’re going to do’’ he shrugged, ‘‘So I don’t seize up with the unpredictability of it’’ 

__

Neil nodded, frowning as if deep in thought. ‘‘That makes sense’’ 

__

‘‘I think so too’’ 

__

Neil smiled, blushing, not meeting Andrew’s eyes for a moment, ‘‘So you like me again?’’ 

__

Andrew’s chest tightened, and he sat up to kiss Neil square in the mouth, ‘‘I love you’’ he whispered, amazed by how easy it was. How true it was. A fact of nature. ‘‘I love you’’, he said, but this one was Andrew-Language for _‘will you forgive me?’._

__

Neil answering smile was breath-taking, ‘‘Shut up’, and crushed their lips together again. It was Neil-Language for _‘there is nothing to forgive’._

__

Andrew lied down again and trusted him. Neil moved to lie on top of Andrew, but paused for a second, opening up their drawer to pull out the lube. 

__

‘‘Okay’’ he giggled, a little out of breath. Andrew would have laughed at him, but Neil smeared lube on his hand and started to tug on both their dicks with extreme proficiency. Enough to make Andrew’s eye roll back on his head. 

__

‘‘Oh’’ he said, sounding strangely composed given the circumstances. 

__

Neil answered with a moan. Loud enough to wake the dead. Embarrassingly enough, it was what did Andrew in. But it’s okay, because Neil wasn’t too far behind. 

__

Neil made to lie beside him, but Andrew pulled him on top of him, hugging Neil close. Said annoying little brat let out a deeply satisfied sigh, nuzzling at Andrew’s neck. 

__

‘‘I love you’’ Andrew whispered. 

__

‘‘Shut up’’ Was Neil’s reply. 

__

There was a pause. 

__

‘‘I love you’’ Neil said. 

__

‘‘Shut up’’ Andrew smiled, making Neil laugh. 

__

Andrew inhaled deeply, not feeling so at ease in years. Maybe ever. Maybe this is what Bee meant by ‘working it out though conversation’. Maybe she was just being coy. 

__

Neil’s breath got stuck in his throat, ‘‘Andrew?’’ 

__

He tensed, ‘‘Yeah?’’ 

__

Neil paused, ‘‘I think Mr Skittles the Great was watching the whole thing’’ 

__

Andrew turned his head and, yep, the damn cat was sitting on the nightstand, looking at them impassively. 

__

‘‘We just traumatized our child’’ Neil whispered, horrified. 

__

Andrew laughed; hugging Neil tighter. 

__

‘‘1000%’’

__

**Author's Note:**

> _*_
> 
> Thank you if you came this far! 
> 
> This fic was inspired by 'All your perfects'' by Collen Hoover. 
> 
> _*_


End file.
